Aren't You Scared??
This is a question I have received a lot, and even before we conceived our second child. Since "coming out" about being diagnosed with post-partum depression, so many people have asked if I will have another baby, and if I am scared to have another baby almost implying I probably shouldn't have one since I went through such a rough time. I never really answered the question in a manner that would elude to wether that would determine if I had another child. I was first asked about it during a podcast I was interviewed for, and at that time had not even decided if we wanted more children so I wasn't sure how to answer. Of course, there is always the concern that I would not be able to conceive again, and then people would assume I just didn't want to risk ppd again. I choose to address the question with a response that gave the listener the opportunity to interpret it however they choose to. It was something along the lines of "the best part about experiencing something once is that you have that to draw from if you find yourself in that situation again" and left it there. The truth is, I am not scared, nor am I anxious about what could happen this time. The answer is that I am confident in myself that no matter what I may experience after the birth of my second child, I am far more prepared and equipped to face it head-on and do whatever is necessary to get myself to optimal health. I have a strong sense of what led me down the road I traveled and have parameters in place to not let that happen again. I also have more supports and love in my life than I ever could have dreamed. My daughter was my driving force at that time, and her love and dependence on me drove me to get better and then openly speak about my experience to help others. With her being older now, and the incorporation of another little one dependent on me I can actually feel the strength I have gained through that experience. I am not the same person I was two years ago, and after this birth, I will be a different person than I am right now. That is the power of experiences and allowing yourself to evolve through all of life's journeys. Conception, pregnancy, childbirth, postpartum recovery, motherhood...they are all a process on their own with no two similar experiences. It is important for us to normalize some of the moments of our lives that define who we are. I did not feel weak, or less of a woman because of what I went through. I was given that battle because I could handle it, and there was something learned during that time. Something for me and only me to take away from that moment in my journey. I encourage all of you to re-shape how you look at the things going on in your lives. Start viewing them as events that are happening FOR you, not TO you, and then you will begin the real process of evolving. There is an increased chance that I will experience ppd again due to already having been diagnosed and I am well aware of that. One thing I do know for sure is that I am more than capable of recognizing it and working through it much sooner and more effectively than I did before