• Dr. K

Friend Sharing??

Updated: Jul 10, 2020

It has always amazed me that as grown women we can be possessive over our friends. I had a chat with a colleague recently and they commented about "sharing friends." I asked more about what they meant and they stated that if they were friends with someone first, and brought them around their core group of friends then they had decided to share their friend with everyone. I didn't remark right there, but later on I was baffled by this idea of "friend sharing." What ever happened to people with similar personalities and likes just hanging out with one another and enjoying their company. Isn't this the whole concept of creating a core group of friends? Doesn't everyone bring someone around at some point to make the group bigger, and add more value to the group? That is just my thought, but one I have often held onto.

In the case my colleague is referencing, it would become a challenge if these two ever had a falling out, and that happens so often in groups of friends. You and I have a falling out, and now no one in the group can talk to you because I "shared" you with them. We are adults, we have our own relationships that we maintain and no one should be telling us who we have to cut off. You brought them around us, "shared" them with us, and we got to know them, like them, and maybe even hang out with them without you (insert gasp here)!! Unfathomable right?? That is the other issue that presents itself in these awkward situations. No one is allowed to hang out one on one with the friend I "shared" with everyone. What kind of fucking bullshit is that? So this person is introduced to a group, makes new friends, but cannot be alone with anyone without their "primary friend" around?

This shit really happens, and mostly with ladies. There are all of these unwritten ridiculous rules that we somehow adopt and follow at some point in our lives. I am here to tell you that this is all bullshit, and will do nothing but destroy friendships, create a negative space in your core group, and be a breeding ground for side chatter and disloyalty. Why do we allow this? Who in the world invented this? I urge all of you not to do this. Why don't we empower one another to seek out additional friends? I have several core groups of friends in different states and Ill tell you one thing, there is none of that bullshit. Everyone is allowed to hang out, talk, party, cry, listen do whatever they want with one another. We all got brought together for some reason, so why not encourage further development of those bonds? Women have it tough in society for a lot of different reasons. Wouldn't you want a safe space, safe people to share all of this shit with? Stop limiting each other, and being fearful of losing a friend. Accept that we all of our own likes and dislikes, but trust that our relationships are stronger than that, and allow more room to let others in.


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